When You Find Out You’re Going to Be A Dad

Picture of Ryan Gentzel

Ryan Gentzel

For all the fellas out there who have scoured the internet for a firsthand fatherly account of the beautiful rollercoaster that is the first few months of pregnancy, scour no further.

Though your pregnant wife will get a lot more attention during this time (as she should, she’s going through a lot), I think there’s a story to be told from the dad’s perspective, too.

So I wrote mine down. While fewer crazy things are happening to your body as a dad during pregnancy (i.e. none, other than “dad weight” you gain of your own accord), I’ve discovered that it’s still a time in life filled with its transformative moments and deep emotions.

For those who may also be considering becoming a father someday, here’s the story of how I embarked on this incredible journey – from everyday concerns to the life-changing role of a dad – and all the awe, joy, and overwhelming love that came with it.

two hands holding a sonogram

Table of Contents

How Did You Find Out You Were Going to Be a Dad?

It’s no exaggeration to say that my life changed forever on June 4, 2024.

I could not have been more distracted after a long workday with a thousand ideas and tasks rattling around in my head. It hadn’t been more than 15 seconds after my last meeting of the day, with my head still spinning, when I walked out of my home office and Rachel called me into our room on the other end of the house.

“Babe, come take a look at the sinks, they’re not draining again!”

Naturally, I made a beeline through our bedroom to the nefarious and oft-overflowing sinks in our bathroom, walking straight past our bed and failing to notice the positive pregnancy tests, baby rattle, and onesies she had spread across our comforter. She had to call me back over before I saw them and my jaw dropped.

It’s hard to describe what exactly I felt in that first moment. The shock might have been the prevailing emotion, but awe, wonder, disbelief – and of course, joy – all made a brief appearance in varying degrees for several seconds before I was able to form coherent words again.

“….We’re having a baby…?” I managed.

“We’re having a baby.”

Suddenly all the tasks left open from work, the people I needed to text back, the overflowing sinks, and anything I else might have worried about just a few seconds earlier… in a single, gentle, miraculous, wonderful moment, all of it seemed to matter a lot less.

What Was it Like After You Found Out You Were Going to Be a Dad?

Naturally, my initial reaction during that period and the weeks following was control freak mode. I spent hours researching the best prenatal vitamins, the foods to avoid at all costs, and then eventually went down the rabbit hole filled with the millions of other possible risks you may run into throughout the process of developing a tiny human. It didn’t take long for joy to turn to fear and anxiety.

I also prayed hard. Possibly harder than I ever had before. I fasted from sunrise to sunset for a full week leading up to our first sonogram and continually begged God to do what he does best and create life as only he can.

He was pretty quick to remind me that he has been doing this for a long time, for billions of lives, and he has never once made a mistake.

I found myself reading Psalm 139 over and over again in the days leading up to our first sonogram, which was scheduled for June 27 (week 6, day 5 of the pregnancy). As I pored and prayed over those words, they rocked me to the core:

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

God reminded me through these verses that, although our baby had consumed my thoughts for several weeks, he had been planning for them to enter this world long before I was born.

He also reminded me that for almost four weeks, I had been living my life with no regard for this child and had no idea they even existed.

But in that time, in the “secret place”, where their life was known to no one else, their Father was there, weaving and knitting each cell together beautifully, wonderfully – miraculously. 

Counting every cell, every chromosome, every digit, forming new life with holy care and intentionality far greater than I could ever know.

And how humbling to be faced with this truth: I could never love this child as much as He already did, and had from the beginning of time. He knew their entire story, and every day of their life was recorded in His book before I even knew they existed. 

He also knew every mistake they would ever make but had already offered them grace beyond comprehension, exchanging his life to save theirs on the cross before their first breath.

That’s the love of The Father, and it is a love far deeper and more unfailing than anything else our child will ever know.

What Was the First Prenatal Appointment Like?

Terrifying. Amazing.

As we got in the car to drive to our first sonogram, the knowledge of how immensely God loved our baby still didn’t make it easy to stomach the very real possibility that we might not hear the heartbeat we had so desperately been praying to hear.

We held hands, didn’t speak much until parking at the hospital, and then prayed one more time before we headed in.

Being the husband of a pregnant wife means there are a lot of situations where people aren’t paying much attention to you – and this is okay!

However, I quickly learned that a visit to the OB/GYN is one of those situations. After Rachel was called in from the waiting area, I followed her and our sonogram technician silently to our room while they chatted and made light conversation about the first few weeks of the pregnancy. 

There was a single chair waiting for me in the room, and I took my position dutifully while Rachel hopped onto the exam table and prepped for the sonogram. 

Then the lights went down as blurry, nondescript shapes started appearing on the large monitor on the left wall of the exam room. I was mesmerized.

For several seconds, it was strikingly quiet while the technician maneuvered the ultrasound transducer, searching for life. 

Rachel squeezed my hand so hard that it probably should have hurt, but I was so locked into the images on the monitor that I don’t think I gave it a second thought. I felt my heart creeping into my throat as we waited in silence for what felt like decades.

I don’t think I was breathing when a sound that will resound clearly in my memories until the day that I die shook the entire room.

BA-BOOM. BA-BOOM. BA-BOOM.

“164 – That’s great.” The technician stated as she too breathed a sigh of relief. 

I felt my breath return, my own heart start beating again, and the only possible way to describe that moment would be pure awe. 

This child was alive. This child was real. And their heartbeat was strong.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the monitor as an image of a tiny figure appeared on the screen, and I saw my baby for the very first time.

And just like that, it was over. Several pictures were printed of that little figure, and then the lights came on. Rachel and the technician got up and went to a separate room to take weight and measurements, and I was left alone, holding a roll of the very first images of our baby.

I sat there for a moment by myself, just staring. Then I wept. Bawled. Ugly cried. I felt like I was meeting the baby for the first time and sharing our very first moment together.

I was overwhelmed by the Lord’s kindness yet again, and I sat there thanking him over and over again with the roll of images still resting in my hands. I held them like they were the most delicate and precious treasure on the planet.

The Rest of The First Trimester

A few weeks later we received the results of a chromosomal test, and in one magical moment, “the baby” became “her.”

A new wave of thoughts and feelings have since washed over me, impossible to describe with any words other than “humbled” and “awestruck.”  As our former guest room becomes the nursery and begins to fill up with little pink bows and flowers, know that I’ll do my best to come up with more words to try and voice how it feels to be a girl dad in the making.

As we continue through the pregnancy, the appointments have become more normal, and even hearing the heartbeat is a more routine occurrence.

I still think back to that first day, though, sitting there in a dark room holding my wife’s hand, and hearing the sound that changed my life forever.

This experience, though still extremely fresh and surely with a long and winding road ahead, has now given me a perspective unlike any other – the heart of a father. And the care and adoration that I already feel for a baby I have yet to meet face to face has only brought me to my knees more and more as I see the love of my Heavenly Father in a brand new light.

He has known us every day of our lives, and He has been present for every high, every low, right there when we sit and when we rise. 

There is no mountain He would not climb and no ocean He would not cross to prove His love for us.

As I think about our baby girl and my hopes and dreams for her, of course, I hope that she grows up to be healthy, happy, and strong. But as I search and listen for Christ’s heart for her, it’s clear to me that my prayer now and every day of her life should be this: 

May she experience and believe that she is fully loved and known by the One who created her, died for her, and desires to spend eternity with her.

So, Daughter – if you ever read this – know how much your earthly father loves you, and know that you have filled his heart with joy since the moment he found out you existed. But also know that his love pales in comparison to the everlasting, unfailing love of your Heavenly Father.

He formed the innermost parts of your being with holy intention and care from the very beginning.

And He loves you so much more than you can ever comprehend.

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Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

… for which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, “This man began to build and was not able to finish.”

Luke 14:27-30 (ESV)

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