Good Men in the Bible: 3 Lessons on Manhood from Joseph of Nazareth

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Ryan Gentzel

JOSEPH (the Bethlehem guy) is one of the most famous characters in the entire Bible. For good reason - he gets the high honor of being Jesus' adopted father and is on the short list of people described as "righteous" in the Bible. While the Bible never records a single word out of his mouth, Joseph had a lot to say about what it takes to be a good man, husband, and father.

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“But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

Matthew 1:20-22 (ESV)

The Biblical Man Good Enough to Raise the Son of God

Here’s a new icebreaker for the next time you find yourself needing to bridge an awkward silence at church:

 

Who in the Bible (other than Jesus, you Sunday School answer repeat offenders) do you wish that the Bible had recorded more information about?

For some Biblical figures, like David or Isaiah, we have multiple books detailing the story of their lives. For others, like the thief on the cross, we meet and say goodbye to their stories within just a few chapters or verses.

All of these people lived entire lives outside of what is recorded in the Bible. They each had struggles, ups and downs, and journeys in their own faiths. Yet as small parts of the Bible’s grander narrative, we only know extremely specific parts of their stories.

Have you ever realized how little we know about the man who helped raise Jesus?

Joseph has made his way into more than his fair share of ceramic nativity sets, but there is so much more to be learned from the humble carpenter who helped raise the Son of God.

 

Unfortunately, there is not an extensive historical record of Joseph and his life leading up to raising Jesus, nor is there any mention of what happens to Joseph later in life, although it is assumed that he died sometime before Jesus began his ministry.

 

Another problem: Not a single word spoken by Joseph is recorded anywhere in the Bible.

Seriously, go look it up. The man doesn’t speak. Or at least the writers of the Gospels forgot to write it down when he did!

Here’s what we do know about him, despite his muteness:

  • Joseph was a descendant of King David, but spent his days working as a carpenter instead of sitting on a throne due to Roman occupation (and also because the Assyrians and Babylonians #wrecked Israel a few hundred years before Jesus was born).
  • God chose Joseph to foster his beloved Son Jesus while he walked the Earth.
  • Joseph was one of a very small handful of people in the Bible described as “righteous.” 

Like many great men who came before and after him, some of the greatest lessons Joseph had to offer came by way of his actions, which spoke so loudly of his righteous character that words are unnecessary for us to see what a great example of a righteous, Godly man Joseph was.

In today’s post, we’ll take some time discussing just a few of the marks of righteous men that Joseph demonstrates as an example for all men to follow, and for women to seek out and expect from the men they choose to allow into their lives. 

 

Lesson #1: Good Men Seek First to Understand

Our first introduction to Joseph in Matthew 1:18 comes in the middle of what was probably one of the worst days of his life: He had just found out that his fiancee was pregnant with a baby that he did not help her make.

Yikes! Whoops!

In the swirl of emotions that probably followed this apparent betrayal by Mary, the loudest of Joseph’s emotions was likely justified anger toward the girl he had hoped to soon have as his wife.

If you have ever been in a similar situation, you know that the people we love the most are the ones most capable of hurting us, and the kind of hurt likely experienced by Joseph during this moment is the kind that makes all of us do crazy, irrational things out of anger.

To up the ante through a recourse that people (thankfully) do not have today – in the cultural context of the time, Joseph would have been well within his rights to have Mary stoned to death for her presumed infidelity. 

The first lesson we learn from Joseph’s story is this: righteous men are not consumed by anger and seek first to understand before making decisions.

Because in the wake of finding out that Mary was pregnant, we do not find Joseph immediately storming to the town square to accuse Mary, ruin her reputation, and seek her capital punishment.

Instead, v.19 tells us that Joseph resolved to divorce Mary quietly (more on that in just a moment), while v.20 tells us that Joseph was continuing to consider his next moves even as the angel of the Lord appeared to clear Mary’s name. 

Joseph’s patient, discerning approach to this difficult situation shows us that rage is not the way of the righteous man.

While the anger and hurt experienced by Joseph would have been enough to drive him to immediately seek revenge, in just two verses the Bible paints a beautiful picture of a righteous man who seeks first to understand and discern before making rash decisions and taking out his anger on the people around him.

As Joseph carefully considers his next move instead of acting out immediately in anger and rage, the Lord is able to speak directly to first clear Mary’s name, honor them both, and then show Joseph what he should do next.

Lesson #2: Good Men Praise in Public and in Private

The second powerful mark of Joseph’s righteous nature is closely related to the first and is seen through his decision to divorce Mary quietly rather than publicly shaming her – or worse.

Through this decision, we see that even as Joseph works through the difficult emotions of betrayal we mentioned above, his heart is still to show compassion and love for Mary and to protect her reputation.  

How many times in your life have you gone out of your way to protect someone who you thought cheated on you?

In this, we see a simple, yet very valuable and sometimes difficult lesson for anyone who wants to be a good husband, wife, or friend: be your person’s biggest fan everywhere they go, and never embarrass or put them down in front of others.

Yes, this applies when they embarrass you first, and as Joseph shows us, even if you think they have been unfaithful.

While the explicit example of Joseph as a supportive husband is that he avoids doing something that would publicly embarrass his significant other, I think we also stand to learn a great lesson by taking it a step further.

In other words, people in healthy relationships should not only do their best to publicly minimize the mistakes and insecurities of their partners, but they should go above and beyond to magnify the successes and strengths of the people that they love.

Did she get a good review at work? Celebrate her.

Did she try something new? Text everyone you know.

Did she simply make it through another day in a fallen world that tries to tear her down from the moment she turns on her phone and checks her notifications in the morning?

Shout it from the rooftops.

Because there are four words that no woman will ever get tired of hearing: 

I. believe. in. you.

Although the one fault we can knock Joseph for might be his initial disbelief that Mary was telling the truth, the way that he resolves to avoid bringing her to shame in spite of his hurt speaks volumes about who he believed Mary to be and how much he cared about her.

This act shows us that even in the midst of hurt and betrayal, Joseph was still very much in Mary’s corner. 

And one of the greatest confidence boosts from a Christ-centered relationship is knowing that no matter what life throws at you, you will have someone in your corner at the end of the day who knows you at your worst but has the God-given strength to forgive you and believe in the best version of you anyway.

Lesson #3: Good Men Show Self-Control

As a righteous Jewish man, Joseph would have waited his whole life to consummate his marriage with his first wife. Imagine his surprise when, instead of finally getting to enjoy the gift of physical intimacy with his bride, he was asked instead to wait another nine months for someone else’s baby to be born.

Fortunately, the Son of God was worth waiting for, and Matthew 1:25 tells us that Joseph “knew her [Mary] not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus,”

Upon learning that God had chosen Mary as the one who would give birth to Jesus, Joseph’s reward was not to be gratified through intimacy with his wife, but instead to become the man who would wait and protect her as she carried Jesus.

Saint Jerome of Stridon (really old, respectable guy – you can Google him later) even went as far as to say that “Joseph was more a protector than a husband of Mary” during this time period.

I have a hunch, however, that Joseph considered it only as the highest of honors to be Mary’s protector before he could be her husband in the “Biblical” sense.

And here Joseph shows yet another shining example of what righteous men do: they show restraint, self-control, and patience to protect those that they love.

Today, you won’t have the physical baby Jesus as motivation to show self-control and be patient for physical intimacy with your spouse as God intended it. But you do have access to the risen Jesus, who bought your body’s freedom with a price (1 Cor 6:20).

This means that you are no longer subject to the desires of your flesh and are free to honor and protect your future spouse from the feelings of immense pain and betrayal that always accompany past and present sexual sin.

Joseph shows us the mark of a righteous man yet again by waiting for his consummation with Mary. This righteous man finds greater joy in the glorification of Christ than in the gratification of his own body, and he sets the example for each and every one of us to do the same, that we might protect our own hearts and the hearts of those we will one day marry.

Final Thoughts: Good Men Submit to God's Will

Joseph, without saying a word, shows us all exactly just a few of the most important traits that mark a righteous man.

Righteous men are slow to anger.

They constantly lift up and celebrate those they love.

And they show restraint when it matters most.

Just a few verses later on in the account of Matthew, we also see Joseph trust God as lays his lifelong career and home aside, be courageous as he moves his entire family from place to place as he protects them, and above all else, show consistent and swift obedience to God’s will in his life.

Would we all strive daily for the splendid and consistent righteousness clearly displayed by this man of God, and would we search for more men like him.

3 thoughts on “Good Men in the Bible: 3 Lessons on Manhood from Joseph of Nazareth”

  1. Joe Crutchfield

    Very helpful and spiritual on how I can be a better husband & spouse pattered after Joseph

  3. Brent Johnson

    No matter how upside down the culture may become, men like Joseph will always be needed. Thanks for your wise and thoughtful words. Congrats on this beginning!

Comments are closed.

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