8 Reasons Why Getting Married Young is Awesome

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Ryan Gentzel

A lot has been said about the reasons why people shouldn't get married young, but I'm here to explain why it might be one of the best things you ever do. When I decided I was ready to propose to my then-girlfriend of three years, I was only 21. A few months later I popped the question, she said yes, and I walked down the aisle with her less than two months after walking the stage at my college graduation. So why did I do it?

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“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 

Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)

The State of Our Unions

The steady climb of the median age of marriage is well documented (32 for men and 30 for women, as of 2022), which makes me an anomaly. It’s just true that people are increasingly putting off marriage. 

Something interesting has happened – Marriage is no longer seen as the epitome of true love. In many movies and books popular today, marriage is depicted as the less fun, more legalistic concession once the love has run out and you just need some tax advantages.

If that’s how we tend to see marriage, no wonder no one wants to get married.

 

“Say goodbye to your freedom!”

“Get ready for that ole’ ball and chain.”

“Marriage is just an endless series of apologies, right?”

I heard these exact statements and many similar ones as I was getting ready to marry my wife back in 2021. Everyone I spoke to was quick to make jokes about me losing my freedom and becoming a domestic man.

Non-Christians can be so negative about marriage, right? Water cooler talk (as if anyone still had water coolers in their offices) can be tough for a young married Christian.

Except – I almost forgot to mention – these are all things I’ve heard in church, not at the office.

Christian Culture and Marriage

Religious folk are indeed more likely to tie the knot sooner, but in my personal experience, negative perceptions of marriage are just as common within Christian circles as they are outside of it.

And that’s where I’d like to spend some time discussing what I feel is the real problem – when did so many Christians stop believing marriage was a good thing?

Listen to a sermon or podcast on marriage that’s directed toward men. You’re probably going to get the message loud and clear that marriage is a colossal sacrifice, overwhelming commitment, and massive burden for men to bear as leaders in the home.

To an extent, these things are true. But why do we frame them in such a negative light while also neglecting all of the overwhelmingly awesome aspects of marriage that come alongside?

Is it any wonder that so many young men are more interested in staying single, avoiding responsibility, and working on themselves when this is the picture of marriage we keep showing them?

The messages I see and hear about the man’s role in marriage – especially Christian marriage – are so negative and unappealing that it’s no wonder so many young men, both Christian and non, are actively deferring marriage as long as possible.

It’s time to flip the narrative – God created marriage to be awesome, and getting married young has a ton of benefits that prove this is still true. I’m diving into eight of my favorite benefits to getting married young below after my first few years post-tying-the-knot.

#1: Being Married Young is a Ton of Fun

One of the most toxic and damaging marriage tropes out there is that getting hitched means you’ve reached the end of the “having fun in your 20s” phase of your life.

Who says getting married means hanging up your adventure boots? They’re dead wrong.

My wife and I have spent the past few years sharing bucket lists, conquering fears, and chasing dreams together. 

We also party on the weekends (Okay, mostly we just go to other people’s weddings), work out together, and sometimes stay up way too late binge-watching new shows on Netflix with a bowl of popcorn next to us.

In addition to all the good times, though, one of my favorite parts of being married younger is having more time ahead of us to dream and plan out our future together. 

We don’t know exactly what God’s plan for our lives will look like, but we have already answered one of life’s most important questions by choosing one another, and that leaves us a lot of time to look forward to the questions and possibilities ahead.

It’s an incredible blessing that we get to do it all in our 20s when so much of our lives (Lord willing) is still ahead of us. We’re not under the pressure of any specific timeline for our careers, our kids, or our age. And it’s awesome.

Who started this lame rumor that the fun was over once you got married? I’m having more fun than I ever have every day that I get to come home to someone who never stops asking me “What’s next?”

“And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.” 

Ecclesiastes 8:15 (ESV)

#2: You'll Have All the Time in the World to Choose Each Other

Speaking of not being worried about timelines, one of the most gratifying parts about marrying young is knowing that your person had endless options for potential suitors and they still chose you.

I get a daily confidence boost from looking at my beautiful wife and remember that she first chose me when I was a goofy college freshman with no idea what I was doing, no money, and no idea how to talk to girls. 

Remember that we went to a private Baptist college in the South, and now you’ll recognize that it’s not an exaggeration to say that she was surrounded by thousands of other potential suitors on a daily basis.

As you leave college and get older, you’ll start to see how quickly those potential suitors dwindle. It’s an unfortunate statistical reality that as you step into the melting pot of the real world, you are much more unlikely to consistently meet people with similar values and life goals. 

Not mention that the number of people in your circle who would make good candidates is also likely to shrink in number as those people find their own partners.

There’s a lot of security in knowing you didn’t make the decision to get married because of a ticking clock or out of convenience. I am supremely confident that my wife chose me just because she loved me and saw potential in me, and I did the same for her (Although let’s be honest, she had and still has a whole lot more to offer between the two of us).

Never again in our lives will we be surrounded by so many other people with similar socioeconomic backgrounds, religious convictions, and professional goals, and we will always be able to look back and say that we still chose each other above anyone else.

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” 

Proverbs 5:18 (ESV)

#3: You'll Receive the Lifelong Financial Benefits of Getting Married in Your 20s

I joked about the tax benefits of getting married earlier in this article, but marriage is a clear, research-backed path to long-term financial stability. Going far beyond mere tax benefits, though, marriage has been shown to increase household net worth greatly across a lifetime.

Research from the Federal Reserve Board of St. Louis showed that from 1989-2016, the average married household had three times as much wealth as the average single or partnered (non-married, cohabitating) household. Their data is shown below:

As the table shows, the US’s share of married households has dropped by almost 20% during the last 30 years. People are clearly avoiding wedding bells in favor of more noncommittal lifestyles. 

The interesting story told by the data is that during this span, the gap in net worth between a married and unmarried person (whether that person is single, dating, or living with a partner) has continued to widen.

What’s going on here?

The obvious (and true) partial answer: Pooled resources open doors to greater financial opportunity and allow households to better absorb debt for wealth-advancing opportunities like advanced education and housing.

My personal, less obvious theory: Marriages encourage selfless spending, thoughtful planning, and long-term financial mindsets in a way that can be difficult to emulate if you are unmarried and not thinking concretely about your spouse and future children, especially while you’re young.

Because beyond what we see in the data, It’s also my belief (from personal experience) that marriage forces an increased level of mindfulness, accountability, and responsibility in spending habits, and this also contributes to greater wealth in married couples long-term. 

In full transparency, I didn’t think much about how my purchases impacted others before I got married. These days, though, I’m very much aware that every dollar I spend on things that I want is a dollar that won’t go toward supporting my wife, our home, or even our future family. 

I’m aware now that when I spend money, I’m also spending money that my wife has worked hard, long hours to earn. 

And before every purchase I have to ask myself, “Is buying this thing worth the hours my wife will have to spend away from me and away from her home for us to afford it?”

This is another powerful way that marriage can push us toward holiness – it’s a constant reminder that our money is not our own. 

I have to believe that this mindset is a significant contributor to some of the statistics seen above. Compound the returns from those mindful financial decisions across a lifetime, beginning in your early 20s and continuing throughout the lifetime of your God-honoring marriage, and now you’ve created a real difference in both your savings and in your spiritual life.

Marriage, and especially early marriage, is a BIG-time financial move. Not only does it teach us to manage money selflessly through increased mindfulness about spending, but it has also been proven to be highly beneficial to financial stability across a lifetime. 

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.” 

Proverbs 13:22 (ESV)

#4: You'll Have Increased Motivation, Responsibility, and Accountability

Now let’s circle back to that comment earlier about all the responsibilities of marriage.

It’s true – being primarily responsible for the spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being of another person is a big ask of anyone, and it’s often not easy. 

But it’s so good.

Being asked to be responsible, accountable, and communicative are all callings of a Godly man. I can’t tell you how much I’ve grown and changed for the better as an individual because marriage has challenged me in these areas.

When I make a commitment and fail to show up, it affects my wife more than any other person.

When I fail to communicate effectively, it affects my wife more than any other person.

When I falter in my walk with Christ, it affects my wife more than any other person.

And so I’ve learned just how dramatically the decisions I make in selfishness can impact the most important people around me – and that’s a lesson expedited by the person who wakes up and goes to sleep next to you every day and night.

Is that knowledge a burden? Absolutely. But accepting the calling to carry a heavier burden is ultimately what makes us all stronger men and women of God.

That’s only a few of the many ways that marriage has made me a better man and follower of Christ in just a short time. And me being a better man benefits the rest of society as well.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” 

Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

#5: You're Likely to Experience Increased Happiness and Longevity

Widely-cited negative marriage statistics like declining overall rates of marriage and rising divorce rates (as well as a lack of positive marital depictions in media) might cause you to buy into the popular narrative that married people are unhappy.

Decades of research on the topic of happiness would beg to differ. Globally, there is a wealth of data to support the belief that married couples tend to experience greater life satisfaction across their lifetime and live longer. 

As you might imagine, happiness is a fairly difficult thing to objectively measure, and there are certainly some counterpoints worth making here.

I might even call out that it’s dangerous to claim happiness as a benefit to marriage when the Bible makes it clear that happiness is not the ultimate goal of marriage.

However, it is clearly a nice side-effect to being part of a Christ-centered union.

Most of the research on marriage’s ability to increase life satisfaction and happiness centers around the fact that being married provides you with support, belonging, and purpose.

Because a spouse can provide you with a lifelong support system, a place where you’ll always belong, and a reason to wake up each morning, you are actually more likely to live a longer life on Earth.

All of these benefits have been shown to provide us with greater life satisfaction – and you’ll notice that all of them are possible to obtain in relationships outside of marriage, but much harder to experience with the consistency that a marriage provides.

“You shall walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you shall possess.” 

Deuteronomy 5:33 (ESV)

#6: You'll Have More Time to Grow Together

A lot of the mindset shift that took place around marriage within the last few decades centers on the idea of marriage as a capstone rather than a cornerstone.

This is to say that many people are choosing to pull their life together, nail the perfect career, understand their whole life’s calling, and master their morning routine before they get married. 

Once you can do all those things, well hey – now you’re ready for a spouse.

The reason why I find this approach difficult is that you are never going to feel like you have it all together enough to be ready for a commitment like marriage.

To me, the clear expectation that marriage is two very imperfect people coming together is just another beautiful example of the way that marriage can reflect God’s love for us. Similar to the desire to clean up your act before you let anyone into your mess as a spouse, we love to play the same game with God. 

The message of the Gospel – and the message of marriage – is that none of us will ever have it together enough or be good enough to earn love.

But that’s what makes true love so beautiful – it’s completely and totally undeserved. It sees us not for who we are today – messy, broken, and lost – but instead for who it is that we can be.

How freeing to know that the love of Christ, as well as the love of a healthy marriage in which Christ’s love is emulated, does not require us to have it all together. There is room to stumble, room to grow. Room to be messy, and room to not have all the answers.

There’s so much less pressure on marriage this way!

I have only been married for a couple of years, and already I have reaped the benefits of that kind of love many times over. My beautiful wife is gracious and faithful to forgive my arrogance, shortsightedness, and at times downright selfishness because she knows that I am nowhere near a “finished product.” 

We are both building this life together one day at a time – constantly learning and growing together, with the deliberate expectation that both of us are going to fall short at times, and that we will love, forgive, and learn through it all.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)

#7: Intimacy Will Teach You to be Fully Known and Loved

Alright, here’s the section you’ve been waiting for. But not in the way you thought it would be written.

Let’s talk about intimacy and why it’s so great.

In Genesis 4:1, only four chapters in, we get our very first recorded example of birds and bees in the Bible:

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain.”

It’s brief. Somewhat coded. And it sounds PG so your kids probably won’t even notice it as you quickly skip forward to the story of Noah’s Ark (Look kids, giraffes!).

You’ve heard the jokes about “knowing someone in the Biblical sense,” but the word choice used by the original Hebrew writer here is no accident.

The original manuscripts use the word ידע (pronounced “yada”) in this verse to describe a deep sense of “knowing” that Adam and Eve experience together, far beyond any normal human relationship.

The word conveys the uniqueness of a marital relationship, as it describes Adam and Eve’s covenant to be faithful to one another not only physically, but also spiritually and emotionally. 

To truly know one another is to commit to an exclusive, lifelong covenant to treasure one another in a way that no one else can. 

Except for God, that is. 

The only other places in the Bible where we see yada used are when it describes the way the God seeks to know each one of us in an extremely personal, intimate, and everlasting sort of way.

The chapter of the Bible where yada is used the most in a single chapter can be found in Psalm 139:

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

Psalm 139:1-4 (ESV)

And then several times more in the verses that follow.

It can be scary to be known in the way the Psalmist describes here – the chance of someone knowing you so well that they understand our thoughts before we think of them might make you want to run away and hide.

But it is clear that God’s intention is for us to be known deeply – without fear, shame, or hiding. 

Marriage helps prepare our hearts to do so by proving that someone who knows us better than anyone else – with all of our faults, fears, and insecurities – can still love us in spite of those.

I know my wife better than anyone else on Earth does, by God’s design.

I know the way her hand feels holding mine. 

I know her insecurities, but also what she is most proud of.

I know what she is thinking just by seeing the look in her eyes.

I know her favorite flowers and also her biggest peeves.

I know the sound of her prayers.

And the more I know her, the more I love her.

Being known like that can be a little scary. The intimacy brought about by marriage is unlike any other – spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But once more, it mirrors the intimacy that the Father desires with each of us and cherishes once we open ourselves up to Him. 

Because if a flawed human can truly know us and still love us, how much more will the One who saw our unformed substance and knitted us together prove his love?

#8: You'll Experience the Gospel Every Day

Anyone who asks me what my favorite part of being married is will get the same answer.

The single most personal and tangible experience of the Gospel I have ever experienced came on my wedding day.

I was standing at the altar that day (as grooms do), staring at the giant oak doors of our wedding chapel moments after they swung shut to signal the approach of one of the most important moments of my life. 

I knew that my bride was waiting behind those doors and a single passage was replaying itself over and over again in my head:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” 

Eph 5:25-27 (ESV)

Then those doors swung open and I saw her. And I understood those verses as I never have before.

Where everyone else in the room saw the most stunning, beautiful, and glowing bride in Rachel, I saw that and so much more in her.

As she stepped toward me to promise the rest of her life, I understood the Gospel as I never had before.

The Bible tells us that apart from Christ, we are more than just broken – apart from him, we are lifeless. We have nothing and we are nothing without him. 

I have more than my fair share of failures, blemishes, and downright ugly parts of my life, and I have known that lifelessness firsthand.

And then I looked at my bride, dressed in perfect white, without blemish. And in that moment, I realized that because of Jesus, and because of the cross, where God should look at me and see someone covered in sin and deserving of death, he sees only white. 

He sees only His Son.

And that’s the best part of being married young. But it’s also the best part of being married old. You get to live your life with so many daily reminders through your spouse, both big and small, of His mercies that come new with each morning. 

One of the greatest of those mercies I see when I open my eyes each morning and see a woman that I don’t deserve lying there next to me, who chooses to love and forgive me when I least deserve it. 

There’s a far greater mercy still in the way that her love reminds me of the Father’s, which I deserve even less but am given in abundance.

And we get to share that story with the people around us. So many people see our marriage and wonder why we chose such a different path at such a young age. 

That answer too, is simple – Jesus.

Every time I get to talk about my marriage and my path in life, it’s an opportunity to share the Gospel. And that gift is the greatest of all.

What Are You Waiting For?

In a world where wedding bells seem to chime later and later, opting for the early marriage route can cause people to give a lot of funny looks.

It can be hard. You do give up some of your independence. You don’t get to prioritize yourself all the time.

But boy is it worth it. For all of the reasons above and so many more, Christ-centered marriage truly is such an incredible gift that pushes us toward selflessness, vulnerability, and ultimately holiness.

The point of all this is not about establishing that it is universally always better to get married young. In a lot of cases, it simply isn’t. In addition, there are many young Christians who wholeheartedly believe that they are ready for marriage but simply haven’t found a partner yet. This post is also certainly no admonishment for anyone in this camp.

Every journey is as unique as a thumbprint, and life rarely adheres to a script. I know people who married early in life and people who married much later; all of them were right on time, according to God’s will.

Instead, the point is that if you are contemplating marriage, whether before beginning a relationship or before taking the next step in one, there’s no need to be afraid.  With Christ at the center, marriage at any age can lead you to a lifetime of adventure, growth, joy – and so much more.

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Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

… for which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, “This man began to build and was not able to finish.”

Luke 14:27-30 (ESV)

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